


You're a careless con and you're a crazy liar

by Donteatthefootcream



Category: Re-Animator (Movies)
Genre: And they were soulmates, Bickering, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Herbert hates cops, Herbert is a gay who can't drive, M/M, Mutual Pining, Road Trips, Sharing a Bed, and there was only one bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:15:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25436020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donteatthefootcream/pseuds/Donteatthefootcream
Summary: Dan and Herbert have to take a road trip in order to make a conference. It goes as expected.
Relationships: Daniel Cain/Herbert West
Comments: 2
Kudos: 85





	You're a careless con and you're a crazy liar

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is. I just wanted to write Danbert lol.

When Dan opened the letter he knew he was in for it. No way would Herbert be bothered to go to this conference, a social gathering he finds to be a lazy way to collect money from doctors continuing to pay off student debt. Dan knows that if he tried to persuade Herbert to ask for grants, he'd get shot down like usual. There's absolutely _no way_ Dan could get Herbert to come unless he's carrying him out of the basement kicking and screaming. 

"Hey Herbert!" Dan calls, hopping down the last few steps. He opens the lab's door to find Herbert leaning over a detached hand. "We've been invited to some sort of doctor conference. We should go. Get out the house. Meet new people."

"Sounds like a waste of time," Herbert replies, poking at a finger. 

Dan walks up to the table, putting the card down in the way of the hand. "We could ask for-"

Herbert sighs, pushing Dan's hand away. "No grants, Dan! We've talked about this before! They won't understand!"

"Won't understand the methods? Or, won't understand the handful of people you've casually murdered along the way?"

"We can both agree I did the world a favor when I got rid of Dr. Hill!" 

"And then you brought him back!"

"Fresh tissue samples!"

Dan shakes his head, finding Herbert's excuse ridiculous as every other excuse he's used when it comes to Dr. Hill. He goes back to the matter at hand. "Herbert, grants or not, this would be a great way to meet new people. Doctors! Scientists! We need to leave this creepy house, Herbert."

"And leave the lab behind with no security? I don't think so, Dan."

"You're kidding. No one is coming into this house, Herbert!" 

"That's what you think! Until, hypothetically, we come home to find cops raiding the house because some _idiot_ decided to check out the house in the cemetery! No, there are too many risks."

Dan laughs. "I think you're more terrified about socializing than the cops."

"Ha ha, Dan. Very funny. As if I'm scared of cops. They're just some losers with far too little training and far too much power. Trust me, I could handle them."

Dan has discovered that Herbert always has something to say. Usually mocking. "Whatever, Herbert. I'll just go by myself. You can hold down the fort with your trusty shovel, I'm sure."

He walks away before Herbert can say anything in response. He'll just go by himself, tell everyone who asks that Herbert had other commitments. Herbert will have his damp basement and corpses while Dan will finally have a break from everything Herbert West related. This is a win win, so why would Dan feel any sort of anxiety about leaving Herbert alone? 

Dan's in the kitchen making himself breakfast for the road the next week when he hears the rare sound of Herbert's bedroom door opening. He looks, expecting a monster more than Herbert, to see Herbert standing there dressed and a suitcase next to him. Herbert looks around the room, trying to act as if his presence here isn't unexpected. 

"So, when are we leaving?" Herbert asks. 

It's too early for Dan to begin a teasing exchange with Herbert. No, he won't be making some smart comment as to why Herbert's suddenly decided to join him. Maybe later though. 

"Thirty minutes? Do you want breakfast?" 

"No. Are you making coffee?" 

Dan smiles. "No, but I can." 

"Good. Thank you." 

He goes right over to the coffee maker, refusing to look at Herbert's damned soft smile. No, Herbert West is a murderer and a self-centered bastard. He is not soft nor is he appealing in any sort of way. 

Herbert refused to drive, resulting him in being in charge of the map. The first few hours weren't that bad, Dan humming to himself (the radio was banned) and Herbert sharing every so often a fun fact about a place on the map. Dan found it sweet in a way, the useless and never ending knowledge that fills Herbert's mind. 

Dan runs a hand through his hair, trying to turn off his thoughts. _No, Herbert West is not sweet._

"Is something bothering you, Dan?" 

"What? No!" Dan forces a chuckle. "Why would you think that?"

"Your insistent humming ended abruptly. You also ran your hand through your hand, one of your frequent behaviors when stressed."

"Oh. You look at me that closely, huh?" 

Herbert stops staring out the window to face Dan. He looks confused. "What is that supposed to imply?"

Dan shrugs "I don't know. That you pay me more attention than I thought you did?"

"Well, you're my friend, aren't you? Isn't that what friends do? Get to know their friends so when the time comes they can offer comfort?"

"That sounds like something out of a textbook, Herbert."

"It is out of a textbook."

Dan laughs. A genuine one. Herbert is so absurd. "Let me guess. You like me so much, you got hold of a textbook on human relationships?"

If you pit like that, then yes." 

He feels a sudden warmth at that statement. If it were anyone else, it would be strange and off-putting. Who reads a book on how to have normal relationships? But knowing that Herbert took time out of his day to correctly develop a connection with Dan means something, right? 

Herbert West is a mystery. An absolute mystery that Dan is still trying to figure out. Which sentiments are displays of kindness? Does Herbert care of human life, or is this whole scheme a way to play God? And Dan has to wonder if Herbert sees him as a means to an end, or as someone he truly cares for. Would Herbert give up everything for him? Or, let him die like everyone who gets in the way?

No, Herbert might be a friend. A scientific and medical partner, but nowhere in Herbert's cold heart does he love Dan. Love him enough to sacrifice anything for him, at least. Dan's willing to bet that Herbert could let him go rather easily. Even kill him maybe. 

They eventually decide that it's too late for Dan to continue driving. He's been driving all day and Herbert refuses to take over for a few hours. So, they find some cheap motel to stay for the night. It's rather shady looking, a place out of a horror movie. The nearly empty parking lot, the peeling paint. It looks as if the wind could knock it over with one gust. But, Dan is tired and desperate. Hopefully Herbert West will scare off any murderers with just his personality. 

"Hi, could we have a room? Just for the night?" Dan asks the clerk. 

She doesn't bother to look up from her magazine. "Most rooms are out of order or already taken. Would one bed be fine?" 

Dan looks back at Herbert, who's inspecting their surroundings and making no mind of Dan in front of him. "Yeah, that's fine. He doesn't sleep much anyway."

"Cool."

Dan carries both of their suitcases to their room, Herbert following shamelessly. He fumbles with the lock for a bit, Herbert watching closely. He's exhausted and Herbert's lack of assistance is not helping. 

"You know, being friendly is helping others, right?" Dan snaps, finally opening the door. 

"Just because I'm your friend does not mean I'm 'friendly'." 

Dan rolls his eyes, Herbert walking past him into the room. He's really stuck with this freak of a man until he's thrown to the side, isn't he? An extra set of hands. 

Dan leaves the suitcases by the door, throwing himself into the bed. Herbert is going around, rustling through drawers (he scoffs at the bible) and reading the phone's directions. Not like they'll be using it, there's nothing it could do for them. 

Herbert then sits next to Dan on the bed, staring blankly at the gross yellow wall in front of them. He stares at it for a bit longer, makes a face of brief disgust, and falls back against the pillows. They look at each other and it feels way too intimate for Dan's taste. Herbert wasn't supposed to share with him. He was supposed to be staying up all night doing as many as Herbert West things as possible without his lab. _He doesn't sleep._

"Where's the 'I'm Hebert West, I don't sleep' bastard I know all so well?" Dan asks Herbert, joking. 

"You're not funny. Neither are you cute," Herbert replies. 

They get changed a few minutes later. Herbert looks rather strange in clothes that aren't ironed. He almost, _almost_ looks normal. Herbert sleeps with his back to Dan, his hands under his head and knees slightly bent. Dan hasn't ever seen anything like this from Herbert, usually finding him slumped over a table in the basement if his body finally gave up from exhaustion. Sleeping makes Herbert even smaller than when he's awake. No longer is he standing rigid, putting a guard up between him and everyone else. Now, he's vulnerable. 

It makes Dan wonder how Herbert would feel being held. Would his smaller size fit perfectly with his bigger one? 

Dan flips over, thinking it'll stop his mind from racing. No, Herbert West is not Dan's cuddle buddy. He can't even shake someone's hand without making it feel strange. 

When Dan wakes up, he's warmer than expected and clinging to something like a touched-starved octopus. His hold tightens out of instinct, but when the object itself tenses under his hold reality hits. He is not holding a pillow, and what he is holding is stoic Herbert West. Murdering scientist who just happens to be his only friend. 

"You're awake," Herbert notes. His voice much too monotone for Dan's liking. "Let go of me."

Dan immediately sits up, letting go of Herbert frantically. "Yeah, yeah. Sure."

Herbert gets out of bed and glances at the clock. Eight in the morning. "We should be going soon." 

"Yeah. Umm... I'll get changed." 

Dan can feel Herbert's eyes watching him as he moves about the room. He doesn't like the feeling of it, Herbert taking note of his every movement. He just wants to get changed and forget about waking up cuddling Herbert. Yet here is having Herbert's watchful eyes on him. 

"Could you stop staring at me?" Dan demands. 

"You're embarrassed."

Dan dismisses him with his hand, making his way towards the bathroom. 

"It's nothing to be ashamed of. Most people seek physical affection. I was available for your unconscious needs," Herbert goes on to say. 

"Shut up, Herbert!" He slams the bathroom door. 

The next time they speak it's the car, Herbert arguing with Dan that as a doctor, he should know better than to eat food from McDonald's. No matter how odd and irksome Herbert can be, he enjoys these moments where Herbert acts as if nothing has changed between the two of them. And they've gone through a lot. Sharing a tent in Peru was revealing enough. Absolutely no privacy between the two of them. Dan found it humiliating, Herbert didn't and still doesn't seem to care or think much about it. So, that's nice, Dan supposes. 

"When are you going to take a turn driving?" Dan asks him two hours in. 

"I thought my frequent refusals yesterday was clear enough. I will not be driving," Herbert says, sounding disinterested as he analyzes the road map. 

"What is with you and driving?" 

Herbert mumbles something in response, quiet enough for Dan not to hear it. 

"Sorry, what was that? Couldn't here you for once."

Herbert exhales impatiently. "I said, I can't drive!" 

Dan laughs, but knows right away that wasn't the proper way to respond. "Yes, you can! You're Herbert West. Perfect at everything and superior to everyone, remember?" 

He shoots Dan a glare. "The one test I could never pass."

He removes his hand from the steering wheel, grabbing Herbert's shoulder and squeezing it. "It's okay, Herbert. Your secret is safe with me. Like all the other ones."

Herbert fidgets in his seat. "Thank you, Dan."

Dan already knows that this will be brought up again. Something so simple as driving is Herbert West's weakness. How can Dan just let that go? No, he will be bringing this up again whenever Herbert pisses him off. 

During the conference, the one they barely make it to on time thanks to Herbert's need to inspect fresh roadkill (Dan was very tempted to leave him on the side of the road a few times), Dan is almost sure he's about to die himself from boredom. The other doctors there are too fake-nice and don't have anything to talk about but themselves. Dan wishes Herbert would mention their work, even if the other guests take it as some sort of sick joke. It would be fairly entertaining to see their faces as Herbert goes on as if mutilating dead bodies isn't disturbing. 

"On a scale of one through ten, how boring are these people?" Dan asks Herbert, leaning in close to his ear. 

Herbert considers it. "Hmm... nine. To be generous."

Dan laughs, grabbing at Herbert's hand. "You're funny every now and then, Herbert West."

Herbert looks down at Dan's hand, now gripping his own. "May I ask why you're holding my hand?"

He quickly lets go, ignoring his forming blush. "Um... I don't know. Friendship?"

Herbert frowns as if trying to figure Dan out. "Dan, for someone who makes note of my own lack of social skills, you seem rather confused yourself."

Dan steps away from him. "What the hell is that supposed to mean, Herbert?" 

Herbert shrugs, taking a drink from his water. "You figure it out."

Deciding to have the last word, Herbert walks away to go make small talk with others, disappearing into the crowd. Dan scoffs and walks in the opposite direction. Maybe he can find some pretty doctor lady to flirt with. And no, he will not think about Herbert the entire time. 

Dan finds it strange. Ever since he started spending every waking hour with incorrigible Herbert West, he's stopped talking to girls. Charming them with his smile and sense of humor. And if he does, Herbert fills his every thought. What would Herbert say if he saw Dan right now? What could Herbert be doing right now? How would Herbert respond if he took the place of the beautiful woman in front of him? Would Herbert swoon like the rest of them, or would he brush Dan off with some remark? 

He sees women with hazel eyes and his first thought is how Herbert has hazel eyes. Sometimes all he can think about is how Herbert's nose is cuter than anyone else's. These woman smile and all Dan can remember is those rare occasions when Herbert smiles. He seems to only smile for him too, no one else. These women smile for everyone, but Herbert? Herbert only smiles for Dan. 

"You have a nice smile, ya know?" Dan says, walking into their shared hotel room later. Herbert on his own bed (they no longer have to share). 

Herbert doesn't bother to give Dan his attention. He continues to skim through the conference's program. 

Dan takes the reading out of Herbert's hands, sitting across from him on the bed. "Herbert, you have a nice smile."

He looks at Dan with no sort of response. "And this is relevant because...?"

"I think I get it now. What you said I was confused about."

"That you're in love with me?"

"I-"

"You're not subtle, Dan. The way you cling to my side and respond to my touches. You care about me like I care about you. I tried to play off your affectionate hold the other morning, but to be honest, you held me because you wanted to."

"Maybe I do react to your touches, but why are you touching me in the first place?!"

"For the same reason you like my smile!"

Dan smiles. He goes to cup Herbert's face and the other allows it. "That's the closest you're ever going to get to telling me you love me?"

"Most likely, yes."

Dan laughs, leaning in for a kiss. Herbert smiles, a small one, and meets Dan halfway. It's obvious that Herbert lacks experience, letting Dan kiss him. Dan doesn't mind, enjoying the feeling of finally being the one in control; no longer being the target of Herbert's demands. 

He's never kissed a man before, let alone fall in love with one. There's a first for everything. Dan's been through a lot of firsts with Herbert, the man always pulling him along in some unethical plan. Two years ago, Dan never would've expected to be kissing a man who he robs morgues with. He would've found it a tasteless joke and moved on. Now, the joke is his life. _How nice._

"I'm confused," Herbert says, pulling away. "Why are you laughing?"

"It's just sort of funny how my life's turned out."

Herbert's confusion doesn't fade away. "I'm still confused." He then shrugs, grabbing Dan's face. "Kiss me again? The action is weird, but the sensation is quite nice."

"Gladly." 

Dan kisses Herbert again. It feels right, like it had with Meg, but it's a different kind of right. As if Dan was always meant to meet Herbert West and have his life _completely_ ruined. 


End file.
